Having an abortion at five months was the greatest tragedy of my life.
Jenny’s Story of Regret and Healing
Having an abortion at five months was the greatest tragedy of my life. I remember this event like it happened yesterday. I still remember the faces, the sounds, the smells, and the pain. The abortion took two days. It was terrible. I could feel my baby thrashing around inside of me, fighting for her life before she died.
I deeply regretted the abortion. I had always been the good girl. I had a full scholarship in college with dreams of going to medical school. After the abortion, my grades dropped. I lost all self-esteem and self-confidence, and I started dating a very abusive person. I didn’t feel worthy of anyone’s love, and I went through life wishing that I were dead. I got pregnant again. Many of my family members and friends told me that I should have another abortion. No way – I had been there and done that. This baby was my baby, and I was going to take care of him.
Part of me felt like God was going to take my baby away for what I had done. I had destroyed a life. I couldn’t accept God’s forgiveness for the horrible crime I had committed against my body, my family, my child, and my God.
I went through counseling for my abortion and second pregnancy with Word of Hope. I will never forget talking to the director, Grace, for the first time. She loved me unconditionally, and with her help, I accepted the reality of what I had done and began to accept God’s forgiveness for my sin of abortion.
Grace [Kern] also helped me grieve for my child. I named her Danielle after Daniel in the Bible because he had succeeded where I had failed. In the face of adversity, he stood his ground and trusted God. In a small box, we placed pictures of me, my family, and my aborted child’s ultrasound. With it I buried the guilt, pain, and anguish of the abortion.
What I live with now is the experience, which God has used time and time again to encourage others to protect the lives of unborn children. I want everyone to know that abortion should never be an option.
God has continued to bless my life over and over again. My son is now eleven years old. I graduated from college, joined the military, and I am now studying to go back to school to become a dentist. Although I have learned to forgive myself, I will never forget Danielle. I keep a tiny gold bangle bracelet as a reminder of my lost baby and as a reminder of the importance and significance of every life.